My beloved readers, I, the great Matumbo 22, have not written my thoughts for a considerable amount of time and for that I apologize. I have been busy eating, sleeping and sweating and have not had the time nor energy to write. But a horrible thing has come to my attention and must be discussed.
What could this horror be you might ask. Is it a new tax on gravy and all gravy like substance? No. Is it a shortage of bacon? No, thank heavens. Is it Magnum PI style shorts being made mandatory? No, it is not. It is yet again another attack against all of us of enlarged girth and extra flesh. The London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine released a study that the obese are destroying the earth.
These so called scientist suggest that we should all be diminutive, slim people like the Vietnamese. That because of over eating we cause destruction by using to much gas to move our excess around. That food production destroys the earth more than any other thing humans do and that of course the fault of fat people eating everything in large amounts.
I am shocked and frightened by this. What will happen next? Will we of the slow metabolism be the focus of government programs caused by slender built protesters marching on the Hill with signs that read "SAY NO TO FAT" and "THE EARTH CAN'T TAKE THE WEIGHT!" Will Congress levy new taxes on all people of gelatinous thighs that have a higher BMI than Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi? Will Al Gore go on a whirlwind tour of all the major markets showing his new movie "An inconvenient pant size".
I am worried that one day in the near future that all of us with the extra large belts will have to go into hiding. That we will be booed and verbally attacked by strangers. We over sized citizens will be relegated to second class citizen or even become criminal simply because our overture of mass.
I fear for my future, my nations future and the world!
For now I am going to drive my large, black smoke spewing SUV around town to all my favorite eateries and enjoy my freedom to indulge.
The Fatness has spoken. I am Matumbo 22.
The Fatness of life explored by the great Fatness himself, even Matumbo 22.
1 comment:
Oh Great One, your fears are coming true, airlines want to way people and if you are a certain weight limit they want to charge you extra. First they wanted to charge for heavy baggage, then extra bags, now they want to charge you for your body fat. That is treating obese people as second class citizens. Be afraid, very afraid!!!!
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