If I could meet someone that has long ago shuffled off this mortal coil it would have to be the man that invented sausage. Oh wonderful sausage in all its many forms. I would walk right up to him and shake his hand, nay I would hug him, caress his belly that would shake like a bowl full of jelly and kiss his fat, rosy cheek (for like to imagine a man with the look of St. Nick about him).

Let us all take a moment this week and be thankful for and think of the long departed that gave us not just the wonder of sausage but all culinary wonders.

For this is the Fatness of life, thus sayeth Matumbo 22 and thus it is written.

My beloved readers, I, the great Matumbo 22, have not written my thoughts for a considerable amount of time and for that I apologize. I have been busy eating, sleeping and sweating and have not had the time nor energy to write. But a horrible thing has come to my attention and must be discussed.

What could this horror be you might ask. Is it a new tax on gravy and all gravy like substance? No. Is it a shortage of bacon? No, thank heavens. Is it Magnum PI style shorts being made mandatory? No, it is not. It is yet again another attack against all of us of enlarged girth and extra flesh. The London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine released a study that the obese are destroying the earth.

These so called scientist suggest that we should all be diminutive, slim people like the Vietnamese. That because of over eating we cause destruction by using to much gas to move our excess around. That food production destroys the earth more than any other thing humans do and that of course the fault of fat people eating everything in large amounts.

I am shocked and frightened by this. What will happen next? Will we of the slow metabolism be the focus of government programs caused by slender built protesters marching on the Hill with signs that read "SAY NO TO FAT" and "THE EARTH CAN'T TAKE THE WEIGHT!" Will Congress levy new taxes on all people of gelatinous thighs that have a higher BMI than Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi? Will Al Gore go on a whirlwind tour of all the major markets showing his new movie "An inconvenient pant size".

I am worried that one day in the near future that all of us with the extra large belts will have to go into hiding. That we will be booed and verbally attacked by strangers. We over sized citizens will be relegated to second class citizen or even become criminal simply because our overture of mass.

I fear for my future, my nations future and the world!

For now I am going to drive my large, black smoke spewing SUV around town to all my favorite eateries and enjoy my freedom to indulge.

The Fatness has spoken. I am Matumbo 22.