If I could meet someone that has long ago shuffled off this mortal coil it would have to be the man that invented sausage. Oh wonderful sausage in all its many forms. I would walk right up to him and shake his hand, nay I would hug him, caress his belly that would shake like a bowl full of jelly and kiss his fat, rosy cheek (for like to imagine a man with the look of St. Nick about him).

Let us all take a moment this week and be thankful for and think of the long departed that gave us not just the wonder of sausage but all culinary wonders.

For this is the Fatness of life, thus sayeth Matumbo 22 and thus it is written.

My beloved readers, I, the great Matumbo 22, have not written my thoughts for a considerable amount of time and for that I apologize. I have been busy eating, sleeping and sweating and have not had the time nor energy to write. But a horrible thing has come to my attention and must be discussed.

What could this horror be you might ask. Is it a new tax on gravy and all gravy like substance? No. Is it a shortage of bacon? No, thank heavens. Is it Magnum PI style shorts being made mandatory? No, it is not. It is yet again another attack against all of us of enlarged girth and extra flesh. The London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine released a study that the obese are destroying the earth.

These so called scientist suggest that we should all be diminutive, slim people like the Vietnamese. That because of over eating we cause destruction by using to much gas to move our excess around. That food production destroys the earth more than any other thing humans do and that of course the fault of fat people eating everything in large amounts.

I am shocked and frightened by this. What will happen next? Will we of the slow metabolism be the focus of government programs caused by slender built protesters marching on the Hill with signs that read "SAY NO TO FAT" and "THE EARTH CAN'T TAKE THE WEIGHT!" Will Congress levy new taxes on all people of gelatinous thighs that have a higher BMI than Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi? Will Al Gore go on a whirlwind tour of all the major markets showing his new movie "An inconvenient pant size".

I am worried that one day in the near future that all of us with the extra large belts will have to go into hiding. That we will be booed and verbally attacked by strangers. We over sized citizens will be relegated to second class citizen or even become criminal simply because our overture of mass.

I fear for my future, my nations future and the world!

For now I am going to drive my large, black smoke spewing SUV around town to all my favorite eateries and enjoy my freedom to indulge.

The Fatness has spoken. I am Matumbo 22.

I have a few extra minutes to discuss good things in life. The Fatness of Life if you will.

A great meal is one of the greatest things in life. Do we consider how wonderful a good meal or even better a great meal makes us feel?

Food is very important to having a good experience while eating. A statement that most of you reading this will say "Duh, isn't that what a meal is? Eating food." Well of course it is. That is why I mentioned it first. But a great meal requires great food. I am not talking about "gourmet" dishes made by "first class" chefs. I mean food that makes you feel happy just to eat it. Now you might think that it is wrong to be happy about eating food. That because everyone tells you food does not equal happiness. Well tell that to the next starving person you come across. But we should be happy with our food and not happy just to be eating.

Good food can be anything that you enjoy. Smoking good hot wings or a fresh cherry pie. Some homemade chili or a stack of pancakes with a side of bacon. A turkey dinner with all the regular fix ens or a greasy cheeseburger from a local dive. Even an apple and salad. What ever feels good going down the food hole can be the "good food" cornerstone of a good meal.

Now the next thing is who you are eating with. On occasion a meal eaten by yourself can still be a good meal but it will never be a great meal. When you spend time with people you care about sharing good food you grow a bond that can not be made otherwise. It is the same now at Thanksgiving dinner as it was thousands of years ago when the tribe gathered to feast on freshly hunted game. We are happy to share what makes us happy. And there is nothing better then good food to share with good friends to make us happy.

Timing also must be considered when trying to achieve a great meal. the timing is always best when you are hungry but not starving. If you are hungry you relish the food and are also more enjoyable to be around. Thus making the meal better for everyone involved. But if you are starving you just try to eat as fast as you can and do not take time to enjoy the moment.
As far as the actual time of day, or night even, it does not matter. Just take the time to make the meal a great one.

There is also location to be discussed. The location of a great meal does not need be a fine dining establishment. It could be anywhere that is comfortable and relaxing. For instance a back yard eating some grilled burgers or sitting in the bleachers at a football game chowing down a burrito.
What matters is you are comfortable, have room and no major distractions to your food.

Look back at all the great meals in your life and you will notice all the ingredients I mentioned were part of that wonderful moment. Try to make every meal a good meal and if possible a great meal. I know I will.

Thus sayeth the Fatness, thus sayeth Matumbo 22.

Why is it that when extra junk spending goes into a congressional spending bill they call it "pork"?

Pork is not some nasty thing. It is tasty. It comes in so many wonderful different forms. Pork is not extra junk.

The proper term should be "celery".

Imagine with me for a moment. You have just finished pounding down a pulled pork sandwich (just one of the many wonderful ways pork is found in nature)and some sausage links. You still are hankering from something to top you off so you order up some hot wings. (I find it is always good to have multiple meats in your meal to help regulate the digestive track) Now, your wings finally make it to the table and what do you find taking up real estate on your plate, celery.

Now of course you would normally never touch celery unless by accident but in this case you eat every piece. Why, it is because they work as little edible scraping sticks that you can use to get every last drop of blue cheese dressing out of that little bowl it comes in.

Just like in congress the original bill just had "the hot wings" in it, but somewhere along the line someone put a a couple of "celery" sticks in the bill. No one is going to send back "the wings" because of the added "celery" and the "celery" still gets eaten. The term "pork" is thus not appropriately used.

An observation and editorial by the fatness.

The Fatness is sad today.

People are saying that fatness is a disease transmitted like a virus, the flu, a common cold!

How dare they! It is bad enough that fat is considered vile, hideous, tragic and disgusting, but now it is likened to the Plague!

Soon the skinny ones will insist on riding on a different part of the bus away from those who are "unfit". There will be laws requiring separate restrooms and drinking fountains. Those of the large girth will be forced to live in areas walled off from the vibrant and slender. Forced to work out in newly form "sweat shops".

The large and the flabby will be made to wear masks to keep their "fat disease" from spreading. Possibly a large "O" will be burned into the sweating brow of all the "obese". Thus keeping those that might quickly binge diet and shed their excess mass from ever trying to blend in with the rest society.

Some of you may laugh at this idea. Believing we as a civilization would never allow such a tragedy to happen. I say take a second and think of what has been done in the past to people that were different. Think...

What do people already do to make and keep themselves "beautiful"?

The Fatness is Matumbo 22 and he is sad.

Hello all of you that have forgotten about the Fatness.

I have been unable to write for a long time now because I am fat and easily fatigued. Eating, sleeping and doing my "business" are really the only things I do on a regular basis.

The Fatness of Life needs to be more than a gelatinous belly and sweaty brow. The Fatness of Life is about enjoying the best parts of life. As a society we forget that about the gravy that makes life wonderful. I will write more but for now I must rest. The strain of of touching the keys is making me smell funny.

I am Matumbo 22 and I am the Fatness.

I am Fatness Incarnate and thus to lazy to finish a complete thread. O well. I am the one one that makes it hard to get up in the morning. I am the one that makes your old shirts to tight and belts shrink. I am the one that makes skin flap in the wind and wind flap some where else if you know what I mean. Being out of breath after tying your shoes. Being hungry after eating a large pizza and a box of zingers. Being to tired to sleep and sleeping for fun. All this is what i am and more, lots more.